PREPARING FOR A LIFE BEHIND BARS
Fai started serving his sentence in June final 12 months after being convicted of fraud and sentenced to 10 years and 4 weeks’ jail.
He had spent about 5 years getting ready his two youngsters, now aged 17 and 15, for his absence, beginning through the COVID-19 pandemic.
“I inform them daddy goes away for some time. Some time means I by no means inform how lengthy. So I prep them. I inform them what to do,” he stated.
Though his youngsters accepted that he can be leaving, they had been inquisitive about why.
Fai determined to be upfront about his imprisonment relatively than inform them a “white lie”, realizing his sentence was too lengthy to hide the reality.
“They’re 14, 16 that point. I believe they need to know the place I am going,” he stated.
“Principally, I’ve no secret with them. I simply inform them, my sentence is 10 years, 4 weeks. Higher to allow them to know. If not they are going to be asking, ‘Daddy, when are you going out?’ They do not know when, it is going to be a query mark to them.”
Two months earlier than coming into jail, he started leaving notes for his youngsters with directions on doing laundry, selecting detergents and serving to their mom with family chores resembling vacuuming and cleansing the bathroom.
These had been duties he had sometimes dealt with, together with cooking for the household.
“I am very near my household. I at all times cook dinner for them, wash garments for them. Every part additionally I do as a result of I pamper them,” he stated.
THE FIRST VIDEO CALL
By their third video name on Thursday, dialog flowed simply between Fai and his daughter, shifting from schoolwork and examination outcomes to the haze and cooking.
However their first name in Might, about three months after he joined Venture Hope, had been markedly totally different.
His daughter was initially shy and reserved, opening up solely after he progressively inspired her to speak. The months with out her father had been tough, Fai stated.
“We had been … very shut. So once I’m not round, she’s a bit unhappy. There isn’t any father determine to her.”
His spouse had written to him about their daughter spending an excessive amount of time on her telephone as a substitute of revising her schoolwork.
Fai believed she was troubled by his absence.
However after they started connecting by Venture Hope, he observed a marked change. She took his recommendation and began finding out extra diligently.
Throughout Thursday’s name, she shared her latest examination outcomes and informed him how she had labored arduous and sought assist from her older brother in sure topics.
Their dialog then turned to the haze. She informed him situations had improved and requested whether or not he may “see the sky now”.
Additionally they talked about cooking, one thing Fai had typically performed for the household earlier than his imprisonment, getting ready dishes starting from black pepper rice to curry hen.
He introduced up the macaroni goreng his daughter had written to him about making, although she felt one thing was lacking from the dish.
His youngsters had tried cooking at residence since he left, Fai later informed reporters, however the meals by no means fairly tasted the identical.
“I believe the daddy’s contact is just not there. They miss my cooking.”
Whereas it’s nonetheless years till his launch, when that day comes, Fai desires to apologise to his youngsters and inform them how a lot he has missed them.
“I’ll speak to them (say) I am sorry, I miss you all … I can’t depart them once more, won’t (make) any mistake anymore.
“As soon as is sufficient for my youngsters to endure. Sufficient,” he stated.
He is aware of he can have missed vital milestones, together with his youngsters’s N-Stage examinations, however hopes to be current for these nonetheless to come back.
“I miss … their teenager milestones. I do not need to miss the following milestone.”
MORE THAN JUST A CHAT
An SPS examine that examined household interventions in correctional settings discovered that such interventions may enhance parent-child communication and parenting abilities, whereas lowering parental stress and behavioural issues amongst youngsters.
Whereas extra analysis is required to ascertain a causal hyperlink, the examine advised that such enhancements may assist scale back reoffending by strengthening parenting and household interactions.