I Went on an "Ex-Cape" After My Breakup, and It Kinda Healed Me

PS Pictures | Renee Rodriguez

Final September, I broke issues off with my off-again, on-again, boyfriend for what was in all probability the millionth time. (Okay, formally, it was the third or the fourth time, however spiritually and mentally, it felt like much more.) As a result of it had occurred so many instances earlier than, it wasn’t as dangerous as I assumed it was going to be, however that did not imply I used to be proof against the emotional fallout that occurs after a relationship ends.

If there’s one factor I are inclined to do after a breakup, it is overthink all the things. By November, I might really feel myself getting caught in a continuing thought loop, replaying conversations, rewriting outcomes — the standard. And though I hadn’t run into him but, I knew it was imminent. We each reside on the west facet of Los Angeles, frequent the identical bars and cling outs, and even nonetheless maintain some mutual buddies. I did not need my total emotional state hinging on an opportunity run-in at Erewhon, so I made a decision I have to make an escape.

Once I was invited to go to the 4 Seasons Resort Peninsula Papagayo, Costa Rica for a five-day keep to check the spa and wellness choices, I made a decision to deal with it as one thing extra intentional: the escape I used to be in search of, an “ex-cape.”

In my thoughts, it is precisely what it seems like: an escape out of your ex, sure, however extra importantly, an escape from the model of you that solely exists in relation to them. It is not about being dramatic, or slicing somebody off in a grand gesture. It is about quietly eradicating your self from the habits that maintain you caught. And as a lot as I did not wish to admit it, I used to be caught.

I deliberate to put round, learn books, benefit from the sunshine, swim within the ocean, and attempt to cease my ex’s Spotify for a whole week — a feat I hadn’t been in a position to accomplish since we parted methods. (First in my bloodline to stalk somebody’s Spotify, by the way in which.) That plan, for the document, lasted about 5 minutes.

Once I first arrived in Costa Rica, the 4 Seasons despatched over a full itinerary, and my instant response was thoughts panic. The actions appeared superb, however the days have been stacked. I am speaking early mornings, a number of wellness classes a day, and structured actions again to again. As a substitute of mendacity round doing nothing, I might be taking part in breathwork, power work, astrology readings, and some issues I did not even absolutely perceive but.

The actions have been in fact non-obligatory, however I made a decision to embrace the intinerary full power, and what ended up taking place was one thing I did not count on: I did not even have time to spiral. On my first day, I participated in an energy-balancing therapeutic massage, and later that evening I participated in a Yin Yoga class on the resort’s Wellness Shala, an open-air construction overlooking the ocean. You would hear waves all the time, really feel the humidity within the air, and immerse your self within the setting.

Each spa or wellness session began the identical approach: I might sit down with a practitioner, set an intention, and truly take into consideration how I used to be feeling. It was deliberate and purposeful.

The subsequent day, I had a personal session with an power healer and reiki grasp. I will be sincere, I went into it a bit skeptical. There have been completely moments the place I used to be like, “Do I absolutely perceive what’s taking place right here?” The reply was a convincing “no,” however I felt calm and grounded afterward, which was sufficient for me.

Then, there was the astrology studying: an in-depth start chart session that lasted shut to 2 hours. I am a Taurus, which I already knew, however this went far past that. We received into planetary placements, patterns, and life timing. In mildly terrifying information, nonetheless, the astrologist did point out that I possible would not discover my one real love till 2027. Unhappy!

The standout exercise, no contest, was browsing. On day three, I lastly received out into the water for a surf lesson, and it was the primary time all the journey that my mind went utterly quiet. I am not referring to a peaceful or regulated nervous system. I imply completely silent. There’s something about making an attempt to face up (and finally truly standing up) on a transferring wave that leaves zero room for overthinking something — together with a latest breakup. As a substitute, I used to be having enjoyable, dude. I used to be residing. And it was nice.

I need to admit — the journey wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, I did get stung by a jellyfish and step on a bee (all in the identical day), however I selected to take a look at these mishaps as character constructing. All through my time in Costa Rica, I discovered pockets of what I initially thought the journey can be: mendacity within the solar, studying, doing completely nothing. However the construction, which I initially resisted, ended up being the factor that helped me essentially the most.

By way of all of this, there was no house to consider my ex, no house to overanalyze my life, and completely no house to stalk somebody’s music-listening historical past. I might solely give attention to what was immediately in entrance of me, and it was precisely what I wanted. I had experiences that required my consideration, my physique, my participation.

I did not come again from the journey out of the blue healed or over my breakup. It took me a number of extra months to truly get there. However for these 5 days, I used to be pulled out of my regular patterns. I wasn’t sitting round and overthinking, I wasn’t reaching for distractions that did not assist. I used to be doing new, unfamiliar issues — issues that have been sometimes uncomfortable — however issues that required me to be current.

Finally, that is what an ex-cape is — a chance to flee from the checking, the spiraling, the overanalyzing. And it does not have to contain hopping on a airplane and leaving the nation. It may be a visit, but it surely can be a weekend, a routine shift, or a call to do one thing totally different lengthy sufficient to interrupt the sample. Mine appeared like Costa Rica, a completely stacked itinerary, and some moments the place my mind lastly shut up. However the level is not the place you go. It is that, for a second, you cease doing the factor that is been protecting you caught.

Renee Rodriguez (she/her) is a senior employees author and producer for PS. She writes throughout all verticals, however her essential areas of experience give attention to style and sweetness content material with an emphasis on evaluations and editor experiments. She additionally produces social content material for the PS TikTok and Instagram accounts.